NOM California Talking Points

California State Marriage Amendment: Answering the Toughest Questions

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En Español: NOM California Puntos de Discusión

A majority of Americans oppose gay marriage. Marriage isn’t a divisive issue; it unites blacks and whites and Hispanics, Republicans, Independents and Democrats.

A May 20-21, 2008 Los Angeles Times poll shows Californians reject same-sex marriage 54 percent to 36 percent.

Supporters of SSM therefore seek to change the subject to just about anything: our sacred constitution, federalism, discrimination, benefits, homosexuality, gay rights. Our goal is simple: Shift the conversation rapidly back to marriage. Don’t get sidetracked. Marriage is the issue. Marriage is what we care about. Marriage really matters. It’s just common sense.

I. The Most Effective Single Sentence:

Extensive and repeated polling agrees that the single most effective message is:

“People have a right to live as they choose;  activist judges don’t have the right to redefine marriage for the rest of us.”

Language to avoid at all costs: “Ban same-sex marriage.” Our base loves this wording. So do supporters of SSM. They know it causes us to lose about ten percentage points in polls. Don’t use it. Say we’re against “activist judges overruling voters on marriage” or in favor of “marriage as the union of husband and wife” NEVER “banning same-sex marriage.”

NOTE: When civil unions, already the law in California (they are called “domestic partnerships” but offer all the rights and benefits) are offered as an option, support for same-sex marriage plummets to less than one-third.

II. Main Message – The 3x5 card:

Marriage is a union of husband and wife. The people of California do not want the government teaching our children or grandchildren that our deeply cherished ideas of marriage are just bigotry or like racism.

We need a marriage amendment to settle the gay marriage issue once and for all, so we don’t have it in our face every day for the next ten years.

Marriage is about bringing together men and women so children can have mothers and fathers.

Twenty-seven other states, including Oregon, Wisconsin and Michigan, have already passed marriage amendments to their state constitutions

All Californians have a right to live as they choose; judges don’t have a right to redefine marriage for the rest of us.

III. Frequently Asked Questions

1. What does the California Marriage Amendment do?

The California Marriage Amendment simply takes the language of Prop 22, passed by 61 percent of Californians in 2000 [“Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”] and puts it in the constitution where activist judges can’t overrule the voters. Same-sex couples already have all the practical rights and benefits of marriage through civil unions, and this amendment won’t change that. It will protect marriage from activist judges.

2. Why do you want to take away people’s rights?

All the legal benefits of marriage are already available to same-sex couples under California’s domestic partnership laws, and this amendment will not change that. This amendment affirms the common sense wisdom that marriage is the union of husband and wife; it will overrule those four activist judges who tried to overrule the 4 million Californians who voted for Proposition 22.

3. Are you a bigot? Isn’t it wrong to write discrimination into the constitution?

Do you really believe people like me who believe mothers and fathers both matter to kids are like racists? I think that’s pretty offensive, don’t you? Particularly to the 60 percent of African-Americans in California who oppose same-sex marriage. Marriage as the union of husband and wife isn’t new; it’s not taking away anyone’s rights. It’s common sense.”¹

California’s Supreme Court ruling flies in the face of common sense, and almost every other court in the country. Even courts in blue states such as New York, Washington and Maryland recently ruled that marriage is not bigotry; it’s the way we teach young men and women they need to come together to make and raise the next generation, so kids have a mom and a dad.

California’s marriage amendment is not unusual. Voters in 27 states, including progressive states such as Wisconsin, Michigan and Oregon, have supported state constitutional amendments defining marriage as the union of husband and wife—just as Californians did in 2000. Marriage is not bigotry; it’s common sense.

4. Isn’t the ban on gay marriage like bans on interracial marriage?

Bans on interracial marriage were about keeping two races apart so that one race could oppress the other. Marriage is about bringing two sexes together so that children get the love of their own mom and a dad, and women don’t get stuck with the enormous disadvantages of parenting alone.

Having a parent of two different races is just not the same as being deprived of your mother—or your father.

5. What’s the harm from SSM? How can Adam and Steve hurt your marriage?

Who gets harmed? The people of this state who lose our right to define marriage as the union of husband and wife, that’s who. That is just not right.

If courts rule that orientation is just like race, then people like you and me who believe children need moms and dads will be treated like bigots and racists.

Religious groups like Catholic Charities or the Salvation Army may lose their tax exemptions, or be denied the use of parks and other public facilities, unless they endorse gay marriage.

Public schools will teach young children that two men being intimate are just the same as a husband and wife, even when it comes to raising kids.

One thing is for sure: The people of this state will lose our right to keep marriage as the union of a husband and wife. That’s not right.

Love is a great thing. But marriage isn’t just any kind of love; it’s the special love of husband and wife for each other and their children. People have a right to love any way they choose, but marriage means a union of husband and wife.

7. Isn’t divorce the real threat to marriage?

High rates of divorce are one more reason we should be strengthening marriage, not conducting radical social experiments on it.

8. Are you saying gays cannot be good parents?

Two men might each be a good father, but neither can be a mom. The ideal for children is the love of their own mom and dad. No same-sex couple can provide that.

9. What about older or infertile couples? If they marry why not same-sex couples?

Every man and woman who marries is capable of giving any child they create (or adopt) a mother and a father. No same-sex couple can do this. It’s apples and oranges.